The top baby names for 2018 are here and some of them are ridiculous

Unsurprisingly Arlo is still up there, presumably under the category ‘Names you’d never heard of three years ago but now you’ve got three friends with an Arlo and so has every other person you know.’ Grayson is up there too. So is Axl, and we’re not sure what Mr Rose has done recently to get his influence noticed by expectant couples.

At the very least Oscar, Riley and Alfie have dropped off the list, so parents who chose these names around four years ago (and that’s all of them) can start to relax, people are moving on. But good luck when they go to school this year in a classroom that has to call them all by their surname in order to get anything done.

In short, if you’re having a baby this year and want to really give them an original name that nobody else will have though of, call them Gary.

Hettie: Probably going to end up blonde and dating a guy called Will who works in the city.

Quinn: Will have an affair with Hettie and went to school with Will.

River: Has no sense of personal identity.

Arlo: Which one?

Willow: Probably OK.

Otis: The coolest guy you’ll ever meet.

Sylvie: Will like dogs.

Milo: Will end up with Sylvie due to their mutual love of dogs.

Emilia: Too normal to be on this list.

Theodore: Will insist on being called Theo from day one.

Grayson: Yeah will probably be an alright bloke.

Nora: Very cool, will get by pretty well on the name alone. Has there ever been an uncool Nora? No.

King: Doomed to fail.

Nova: A car, not a name. Unless you’re Spanish.

Mason: A job, not a name.

Layla: Will have to put up with everyone singing the Eric Clapton chorus at her approximately three times per day every day until she dies.

Fox: Will probably end up being a timid bloke with a lactose allergy that still lives with his mum.

Maya: A successful dancer.

Axl: Probably won’t even know who Guns’n’Roses were.

Thea: Forgettable

Marcel: Unless you’re French, a mime artist, or the monkey from Friends, this is a risky choice.

Lola: Will probably be the most attractive girl in any room.

Rex: ‘No it’s not, when was the last time you heard of a dog called it?’; repeat everyday until Rex changes his name.

Harri: May as well get ‘Sorry it’s actually with an i at the end.’ on a t-shirt to wear daily.

Blaine: Always locking himself in things accidentally.

Dalston: Just, no.

Henley: The posher friend of Dalston.