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5 foolproof tips for getting your own way

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Hostage negotiator David Ryan is no stranger to difficult conversations. Here, he gives us his advice on how to get your own way, without stamping your feet or crying.

Identify the type of person you’re dealing with. Generally, there are two sorts of people: instrumental and emotional. An instrumental person knows exactly what they want. They’re easier to deal with because they’re focused and business-like; they know there’s going to be compromise on both sides. An emotional person is not in control. They didn’t expect to find themselves in this situation and so they
can be volatile.

Never say no. As soon as you say “no”, they’ll say, “Fine, well this is what I’ll do…” In a hostage scenario, that could cost someone their life. Instead, get them to a point where they consider for themselves the unlikeliness of their request happening.

They don’t have to like you. But they can still find it easy to speak with you. Building a rapport is not about being a lifelong friend – it’s about getting to a place where you
are able to influence behaviour at the end of it.

Get them on to a level playing field with you, emotionally speaking. If they’re anxious, you can’t have a rational conversation. Set the tone by establishing a degree of normality in the way that you talk to them.

Don’t give too much away. It’s tempting to relate a situation back to your personal circumstances. Don’t. It can be used to gain leverage over you. And in my line of work, eventually they’ll come out of prison…

Visit: useyourintelligence.com

[From ShortList UK]

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