6 reasons why you’re still not paying for your own Netflix account
1 Ghost account
WHAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?! You have to pay for Netflix? We thought it was one of those essential services, like air-conditioning, that just happen. Isn’t that where the phrase Netflix and chiller comes from? Sure, there is a nominal fee, but it is so inconceivable that you wouldn’t pay it, that you just agree and mentally discount the cost. If you don’t freak out at the bill every month have you even spent money?
2 Office account
Tricking – sorry, convincing – the bods in accounts that you actually needed Netflix for work TVs was your greatest ever achievement. There is no chance they would ever fall for that again. Your arguments that it should be allocated under a cultural development fund, that all reception areas should have Netflix for visitors to browse and that progressive companies do it was so convincing that you almost believed it yourself. And so what if you take the password home and gorge on serial killer biographies and teen relationship dramas at night? That is just getting more bang for the company buck.
3 Family account Having to
click on a user account called “Parasite 1”, which was set up by your Dad when he realised you were scrounging on his account is a small price to pay for all that delicious content. Fair play to parents for letting you share their username. Just make sure you never click their account to see what they have been watching, or you might be in for a few uncomfortable surprises.
4 Ex-wife’s account
She STILL hasn’t watched the comedy special or the pretentious sub-titled documentary about South American chefs you put on her planner three months ago. Yet somehow there was time to binge on eight episodes of Friends again? Could her habits BE any more predictable? A shared Netflix password is often the hardest part of a relationship to let go of, so take your time.
5 Control account
The recommendation robots (you can call it an algorithm all you like – we’re pretty sure it is actual robots doing the hard work) which control Netflix know you better than any human. Training them on your mate’s account to suggest shows that you will genuinely love was hard work and took hours of concentrated viewing. You can’t really open a brand-new account and throw away all your hard work with a blank canvas.
6 Addict account
Netflix, like desserts at a brunch, pairs of trainers and minutes of a lie-in before you get out of bed is part of the “just one more” economy. Just one more episode, series, genre to complete and then you will stop using somebody else’s password and sign-up for yourself. Keep telling yourself that.