Sebastian Sykes14 Aug 2019 AT 10:33 AM

The Big Summertime Laze

If the phrase “let’s go exploring” repulses you, this guide to the laziest weekend in Dubai is right up your alley
Sebastian Sykes14 Aug 2019 AT 10:33 AM
The Big Summertime Laze

Did you know, according to a study in 2017, which included 68 million days’ worth of data from built-in accelerometers of 700,000 smartphones from around the world, the average number of daily steps taken by people in the UAE is 4,516? Apparently, that’s below the global daily average of 4,961 steps.

Why do we feel so personally attacked by this fact? Do they not know the level of brisk walking one must do to get around The Dubai Mall? Or the waves of thick humidity we must wade through on a daily basis during summer?

Okay, truth be told, you can get around in an actual taxi in the mall, and air-conditioned walkways and complexes mean we can avoid the heat entirely. We even have drive-thru ATMs so we don’t have to leave the comfort of our chilled vehicles.

But that’s the beauty of Dubai – if you really wanted to, you could get away with doing virtually nothing and still have an eventful, fun-filled weekend worth gloating about at work come Sunday.

It’s tough work putting together the perfect lazy weekend in the city that definitely sleeps, but that’s not something you have to worry about. Sit back, chill out and have a look through how to tackle the laziest weekend you can imagine, while still technically doing stuff. It’s well deserved.

Mainstream cruising
Here’s a riddle for you: How can you lie around completely still, yet move at the same time, and soak up the sun while staying cool? Float along a river no less, and to make sure there aren’t any rapids to disrupt your blissful cruise, we recommend rocking up (with floatie in hand) to a lazy river. Dubai is jam-packed with them, but because we’re all about prolonging the laziness, we’d have to go for Aquaventure Waterpark’s 2.3km long river. It’s labelled as an adventure attraction, but there’s no fooling us. It will have you floating around for an impressive 45 minutes, but who said the lazing stops there? It loops around the tropical waterscape of Aquaventure endlessly, so put on your favourite pair of shades and pretend you’re admiring the scenery (you’re not, you’re getting shut-eye). We know, you have to get up, change into your togs and head out, but infinite floating relaxation is worth it.

Price: From AED270 (prices vary)
When: Daily 10am-6pm 
Where: Atlantis The Palm, Palm Jumeirah
Contact: +971 4 426 2000

All for one
The difference between a vacation and a staycation is simple: one is for the explorers and the other is for the explorers of relaxation. Staycays are made for lazing but, believe it or not, you can go one better. How does stretching out by an infinity pool with a fruity drink being delivered straight to you sound? Stunning, but how about that glass being bottomless? There’s the kicker. For AED1,000 per person per night at DUKES The Palm, A Royal Hideaway Hotel, you can take on the all-inclusive package, with completely unlimited house beverages. It offers you access to all of the hotel’s food and beverage outlets, including top Indian restaurant Khyber and poolside steakhouse West 14th, breakfast at the Great British Restaurant and more – all while staring at the Dubai Marina skyline from the hotel’s infinity pool. Lovely.

Price: From AED1,000
When: Ongoing
Where: Dukes The Palm, a Royal Hideaway Hotel, Palm Jumeirah
Contact: +971 4 455 1111

Pamper us silly
Obviously  a spa day would make it on to this guide – it’s fundamentally a day where an expert on leisure pampers you silly. We’re spoilt for choice in Dubai, but one that stands out is FIVE The Spa’s dine and relax offer. Why? Well, along with a 45-minute therapeutic treatment, you’ll get lunch at one of the hotel’s signature restaurants, Quattro Passi, BLVD on One or Maiden Shanghai. So wake up, get a massage, eat for cheap then head back to use all the spa facilities, including a rooftop pool with hydrotherapy jets. The spa itself is stunning, and there’s an air of tranquillity that washes over whoever is lucky enough to indulge in the day (and that’s before they’ve even got they’re kit off). From soothing treatments to take our stresses away, to more thorough experiences in particular areas to get those knots out, it’s up to you what kind of lazy day massage you’re going to have. But, if you want to lose yourself in relaxation limbo (it’s a grand place to visit), we recommend a ‘Foam it Up’ facial. It’s a little extra, and the 60 minutes of pure delight is over all too quickly, but to come out of a full-fledged lazy day looking radiant? That’s the definition of win-win in our eyes.
Price: AED399
When: Sunday-Thursday 10am-10pm (spa), 12.30pm-2.30pm (lunch)
Where: FIVE Palm Jumeirah Dubai, Palm Jumeirah
Contact: +971 4 455 9964

The big sleepy screen
Choosing a movie to watch, picking a seat so you’re based where the acoustics are perfect, wondering if the rest of the crowd will actually stay silent – groan. The joys of heading off to the cinema are squandered when faced with these thoughts. Unless you’re off to Theatre by Rhodes – emphasis on the ‘eat’. Pick a flick and, erm, that’s about it, as the cinema at Mall of the Emirates, City Centre Deira and Burjuman will do the rest. Take your seat in an expansive, leather chair and immediately recline it to a horizontal position, just because you can. Stay right where you are and a waiter will come by to take your order for a quality three-course meal. No, not popcorn or nachos, we’re talking foie gras, New York-style burgers, Lebanese cheese toasties, potted-maple backed salmon – the works. Finally, throw over the provided silk blanket, and prepare for a film experience where you may not remember half the flick – you’ll either be stuffing your face or sleeping. In the wise words of The Drifters: “Saturday night at the movies, who cares what picture you see”…when there’s a blanket and food involved.
Price: AED265
When: Times vary
Where: Various locations including Mall of the Emirates; City Centre Deira; Burjuman

DIY Brunch
If you think that acronym stands for ‘Do It Yourself’, you’re gravely mistaken. We mean ‘Deliveroo It Yourself’ of course. This means the most you have to physically do is choose a wealth of food with your fingertips, get up (the most amount of exercise to be done, promise) to answer the door, and then get the delivery man to place all your dishes in your desired destination. Tip generously – the delivery guy is doing all the work for you, after all. Now, you could easily order two 15-inch pizzas or a family meal with five burgers and call it a day, but that’s not a Dubai-standard brunch, is it? We’re going all-out. Let’s say a brunch you would be going to is around AED200, so spending that amount at home would be justified. Head on to the Deliveroo app and go straight to the AED18 deals and behold the choices. There’s chicken fried rice, dynamite shrimp, tandoori roti with curry, pepperoni pizza, a Korean barbecue koryo bowl that comes with a soft drink, beef sandwiches with French fries – tell us that doesn’t sound like an international buffet. Choose 12 of those, and that should add up to AED216. That’s a spread you’ll be tucking into the whole day, and even better, if you happen to have your own stash of house bevvies, you’ve just upgraded your brunch to a house beverage package. Laziness, achieved.
Price: AED216 (give or take…)When: Whenever you want
Where: Home