Sarah Garden07 Jun 2015 AT 11:04 AM

Michael McIntyre live in Dubai

6 of the comic's best one-liners
Sarah Garden07 Jun 2015 AT 11:04 AM
Michael McIntyre live in Dubai
© Getty
Michael McIntyre

Floppy haired comic Michael McIntyre is known for his family-friendly gags. His hilarious story telling has catapulted him to stardom, and he’s now one of the highest paid comedians in the world. Online booking, plane delays, his wife’s anti-wrinkle cream, Valentines Day – his cliché-laden jokes are relatable to people of all ages and walks of life… which is surprising, being as he looks and sounds like a chubby version of David Cameron.

McIntyre is taking his stand-up show ‘Happy & Glorious’ to Dubai on June 12 and 13, and according to reports, he’s nervous about the heat. “I loved performing in Dubai a couple of years ago, and can’t wait to return with my new shows in June at the hopefully heavily air-conditioned Dubai World Trade Centre!” he said.Ahead of the gig, here’s our ShortList of Michael McIntyre’s funniest stories and one-liners…


McIntyre’s Best Jokes

"My son's got two words: car and map, that's all he can say. [Baby’s voice] "Car, car, map, car!" [His normal voice] I'm fairly worried he's trying to escape. So if the next word is passport, we're in serious trouble."

On taking his kids to a playgroup: "You get a cup of tea and a biscuit - and measles."

"I bought my wife a beautiful diamond ring and I even had it engraved. With the price."

"Who’s phoning radio stations to warn of traffic jams? Who in their right mind gets stuck and thinks, 'Get me the phone, I must warn the others. It’s too late for me'? "

"See, you learn about humans when you have a baby. Like girls. Girls are so much more advanced than boys. I seriously think that girls are born in conversation. Like, they come out of the womb, talking: 'Are you my mother? Lovely to put a name to a face'."

On sending his wife a Valentine's Day card: "You have to come up with this s--- every year. Last week I just wrote, ‘I still love you, see last years card for full details’."

Michael McIntyre @ Dubai World Trade Centre

Where: Dubai World Trade Centre
When: Jun 12 - Jun 13 Start: 18:00

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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