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Jack Dee brings deadpan to Dubai



Jack Dee has made a decent career out of being a miserable, well, Brit. Famed for his forlorn, bitingly downbeat observations on life, the Londoner has been a staple on the stand-up and panel show circuit ever since he first broke through to the big time in the early 1990s. He is coming to Dubai’s World Trade Centre on March 19 so we thought we’d give you a taste of what’s to come – cleaned up and censored, naturally.

On sewage farms
“In what way is it a farm? Is there a farm shop?”

On reading
“For me, nothing can replace the joy of reading a real book. You get to the end of it, tear out the last five pages and take it to the charity shop.”

On perseverance
“If at first you don’t succeed, you are clearly not cut out for it. Give up and move on.”

On convenience food
“Koreans have recently brought out their own vegetarian version of an instant snack. It’s called Not Poodle.”

On being a good neighbour
“In my local newspaper, they had this advert, ‘Please look after your neighbours in the cold weather’. And shall I tell you something about that? I live next door to this 84-year-old woman, do you know, not once has she come round to see if I’m all right. Lazy cow hasn’t even taken her milk in for a fortnight!”

On buying German
“I was going to get a BMW and rang my dad who knows a bit about cars. He said, ‘You can’t get a German car after what your granddad went through in the war.’ Now I didn’t know about this but apparently, during the Second World War, my granddad had a succession of very unreliable German cars.”

Date: March 19
Where: Dubai World Trade Centre
Price: From AED300

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