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One Direction in Dubai: A survival guide

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It’s probably not going be on the Shortlist of many people over the age of 18, but on April 4 there’s a chance you’ll be going to see One Direction – whether you want to or not. Taking daughters, escorting little sisters, chaperoning the neighbour’s kids because you offered in a rash moment over the barbecue in February, there are several scenarios that could lead you to showing a much-prized ticket to the polo-shirted usher outside Dubai’s Sevens Stadium.

To help you get through it, here’s the ShortList survival guide to the actual event on Saturday April 4. Don’t say we don’t try to help you.

The name
Do: Refer to them as One Direction
Don’t: Try and get down with the kids and call them 1D, unless you enjoy young people rolling their eyes at you.

The band
Do: Learn the band member names and know who’s who… Harry, Liam, Niall and Louis.
Don’t: Join in any debate about which one is hot or make reference to Harry’s previously documented penchant for older women. It’s just creepy.

The music
Do: Download a playlist of their most popular hits to play in the car on the way to the concert. “Steal My Girl”, “What Makes You Beautiful”, “Live While We’re Young” and Story Of My Life” will make waiting in traffic on Al-Ain Road less stressful.
Don’t: Download and learn by heart the words to their latest album. Your flock does not want yours to be the sole voice booming out above the crowd when the lads play “obscure song to promote their latest album” half-way through the show.

The concessions
Do: Be prepared to part with excessive amounts of cash for basic items like water, cola, pizza, cheap t-shirts, burgers etc.
Don’t: Make statements like “do you really need that overpriced scarf? Or… we could have bought some water from Spinneys at a fraction of the cost”. No one likes a concert tightwad. Especially teenagers who haven’t had to work for their money yet. And, like, YOLO.

The participation
Do: Let the kids enjoy themselves. Give them enough freedom that you’re comfortable with and plan meeting points at certain times for the older ones. You’re in Dubai, it’s pretty safe here.
Don’t: Scream your head off when the concert starts, attempt crowd-surfing or even dance. Mild swaying is just about acceptable.

The kitchen sink
Do: Travel light. You will be expected to carry bags, tops, jackets, signs and weird hats that they insisted they absolutely could not live without in the car but then suddenly want to dump on you once they walk through the security gates.
Don’t: Forget that they will be exhausted after it all; they probably won’t have slept for a week with excitement.  Pack blankets and pillows in the car for the ride home and enjoy the peace and quiet…

One Direction will be playing Dubai Sevens Stadium on April 4. For tickets: try prayer.

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