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9 types of neighbour you get in Dubai

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Keeping Up With the Joneses comes out in UAE cinemas on October 20 (you can win tickets here), so we decided to ask around the office to find out about the types of neighbour that you get in Dubai. None of them are spies on secret espionage missions, and we’re pretty sure we don’t like next to Zach Galifianakis, but some of these characters could definitely star in a movie.

1. The wanabe DJ
Banker by day, DJ by night. He comes home from his job in DIFC and practices on the decks at full volume. Also likes to play Call of Duty with surround sound.

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2. The one who grunts in the lift
You don’t know his name, which flat he’s in, what he does or who lives with. All you know is that he gets off on the 58th floor and mutters something that sounds like “bye” when the doors open.

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3. The cat lady
Strides in and out of your tower with a cat in a buggy as if it’s the most normal thing in the world.

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4. The couple who are always hammering stuff
What can they possibly have been hammering for year? Are they hanging every single postcard they’ve ever received individually? It’s one of life’s great modern day mysteries.

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5. The considerate jerks
Slips a note under your door to inform you that they’re having a party for 120 people in their one-bedroom apartment. But, you know, it’s all good because you can come if you want to (subtext, please don’t).

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6. The parents experimenting with the “crying out method”
You can’t be annoyed with these guys, because every time you see them in the lift they look as though the life has been sucked straight out of them. It probably has – by a 6-month old screeching machine with a trendy name like Mason. Maybe it’s so noisy because all three of them cry together.

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7. The must-have-last-word couple
You hear the muffled sounds of anger through the wall at 3am on the regular. It’s become a bit of a real life sit-com and you have to stop yourself from shouting “YOU WERE ON A BREAK”!

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8. The one you bump into. All. The. Time.
Your conversation has never evolved beyond small talk, so it gets pretty awkward if you bump into them in Spinney’s more than once a week, which you often do. An enthusiastic “hello” is followed by something innocuous about their DEWA bill going up and the sign that was in the lift yesterday.

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9. The lady you speak to just so that you can pet her dog.
You don’t know this lady’s name, but Tinkerbell the Bichon Frise is just precious.

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