It’s 2018 and that means that we have a ton of new movies to look forward to. No, really everything from The Incredibles 2 to Tomb Raider is set to make an appearance this year.
To help you navigate your way through the plethora of blockbusters set to make their big screen debut in the up and coming months, I’ve shortlisted 16 of my favourites.
1. Black Panther
But the movie isn’t going to be bad, is it? Black Panther was one of the best things about Civil War, and I’ve been begging for this solo movie ever since. So if you please, let me finish watching the trailer again.
In cinemas 13 February
2. Lady Bird
Here’s one to watch regardless of whether you’re interested, because it actually looks rather lovely. The delightful Greta Gerwig directs the also-delightful Saoirse Ronan in a coming-of-ager that at one point was the best reviewed film of all time on Rotten Tomatoes – pretty good reason to give it a shot, eh?
In cinemas 16 February
3. Red Sparrow
Based on the book by Jason Matthews, this action thriller stars Jennifer Lawrence as an ex-ballerina who becomes a spy in order to kill some nasty men. It’s also got Joel Edgerton in it, which is, without fail, always a good thing.
In cinemas 2 March
4. Tomb Raider
Still, they’ve done another one anyway, and, lo! It actually looks, erm, alright? Alicia Vikander is a top choice to play the rebooted hero, and it seems like they’ve opted for a ‘gritty’ reboot, which certainly worked for the games.
In cinemas 16 March
5. A Quiet Place
Did you see Lights Out? It was really scary and good and fun and everyone liked it. Well this is that, but with sound instead of lights.
In (not if I’ve got anything to do with it) cinemas 6 April
6. Avengers: Infinity War
In cinemas 27 April
7. Solo: A Star Wars Story
Now, there’s been a bit of a hoo-hah behind the scenes of this one, what with a mid-filming switcheroo of directors – from The Lego Movie’s Chris Miller and Phil Lord to Ron Howard (the ginger kid from Happy Days – supposedly he’s a director now), but I’ve still got high hopes.
Firstly, it’s not like they’ve given it to Uwe Boll, and secondly, Donald Glover is in it, as well as Woody Harrelson – all good signs, I think. But perhaps most importantly: I do not care about Star Wars, so it will not bother me in the slightest if Chewbacca’s hair isn’t long enough or something.
In cinemas 25 May
8. Deadpool 2
The first Deadpool was good, wasn’t it? Lovely and childish, just how I like it.
Hopefully they’ll do it again – Ryan Reynolds is a reliable bank, and this new violent-movies-can-actually-make-loads-of-money thing is still in full-swing, so I’m on cloud 9. Sign me up.
In cinemas 1 June
9. Jurassic Park: Fallen Kingdom
In cinemas 8 June
10. The Incredibles 2
But hey, does a bad film really matter? Not so much, when taking into account the many more important issues and problems going on in this disintegrating planet. Not really a big deal, when it comes down to it, is it? Oh, you’ve wasted two hours, maybe a tenner, you’ll get over it. Still think this’ll be good, though.
In cinemas 13 July
11. Ant-Man and The Wasp
Ever since I burned my first ant underneath a magnifying glass as a child, I had been looking for a movie about a tiny man who fought bad guys on model train sets, so when Ant-Man came along, I was ecstatic. As such, I also become highly charged when thinking about the sequel.
It’s coming from much of the same team as the original (minus Edgar Wright and Joe Cornish’s welcome input), and there’ll be a much larger focus on The Wasp this time around, presumably including a scene where she gets all excited about a free jar of jam but then gets her feet stuck in it and dies.
In cinemas 3 August
12. The Predator
In cinemas 3 August
13. The Equalizer 2
The first Equalizer (as in the first Denzel one) was top-drawer, in my unrefined opinion. Great bit of revenge, lovely slice of vengeance, whopping great chunk of avenging courtesy of our man Washington, and his trusty corkscrew.
Essentially, all they need to do is – this is literally it – more of the same. Just do it again, everyone. Do it all the same again, and I’ll be happy. It’s not rocket science.
In cinemas 24 August
As much as I like Topher Grace (I genuinely do, not a joke), his chance to play Spider-Man’s greatest nemesis was squandered and shattered and given about five minutes of screen time. The greatest foe Spidey has ever faced was reduced to a little tiny weeny incy wincy cutey patootie bit at the end of an already not-that-good-at-all-really film – what an insult.
Still, we’re getting another chance to see the big baddie up on screen, and this time it’s Tom Hardy filling the symbiote’s boots, which is great because Venom is cool and so is Tom Hardy.
In cinemas 5 October
Look, you can tussle with me over this, you can scrap me, you and me could have a good old wrangle over this, but: I liked Rob Zombie’s Halloween movies, so there. A lot of people didn’t though, so the reboot (also a sequel) has changed hands to, well, Danny McBride. Yeah, that’s Eastbound and Down’s Danny McBride, the comedy man, the funny fella.
Still, from what I’ve heard so far, I reckon he’s the man for the job – he’s a huge fan, and he’s got the full blessing of John Carpenter, so I’ve got high hopes. And not once, ever, in my entire life, have my expectations ever been let down. I am so lucky.
In cinemas 19 October, quite near to a CERTAIN SPOOKY DATE hint hint nudge nudge stab stab
16. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse
So here you go, a CGI web-slinger flick, following the Miles Morales iteration of the character, with the film taking place after (sound the spoiler alarm!) Peter Parker’s death. The movie stars Shameik Moore (Dope, The Get Down) as Spider-Man, Liev Schreiber (X-Men Origins: Wolverine) as the bad guy, I guess, and it’s written by Phil Lord, of The Lego Movie fame. I think it will be *OK*.
In cinemas 14 December
That’s 16 films there. Quite a lot, in the grand scheme of things. Some people probably don’t even watch 16 movies in a year, do they?
Of course, if for any reason, any of these films are not good, please do not wield your pitchforks in my direction – I just think they’re going to be good. I make no guarantees.