Will Milner10 Mar 2019 AT 09:39 AM

The real reasons you enjoyed dessert at brunch a little too much

Delightful dessert dining explained
Will Milner10 Mar 2019 AT 09:39 AM
The real reasons you enjoyed dessert at brunch a little too much

1 Competitive dining
The guy sitting next to you might be 30cm and you are a decidedly average 15cm, but there is more to brunch than the size of your plate. It’s about how high you pile the food and how often you go back for more. There is something about the “all-you-can-eat” nature of a brunch that makes some diners competitive. Quite what you win by going back for a third slice of cake, a bowl of ice cream and a couple of doughnuts isn’t clear. But when you loosen your belt and survey the scene in front of you it does feel like a victory. Not a victory for your health, conscience or sense of wellbeing, perhaps. But a victory nevertheless.

2 Avoid conversation
As long as you’re chain-eating chocolate éclairs there is no expectation for you to talk. It might have been different if you were down at the other end of the table. That is where the fun people are. You can’t hear them, but they seem to be crying with laughter because somebody has made a hat from a discarded coconut. Meanwhile you’re stuck with Phil from accounts and he’s entering the third hour of detailing his struggles with his air-conditioning controls. So, yes, going back up to the dessert counter a few more times will dull the pain and food as a defence mechanism is a well-established coping technique.

3 Smaller plates
As you said at the time, you were using a 15cm plate. And some of the trifle shots were really tiny. Rechnically you only went up half as many times as it seemed because the portions you were getting each time were so small. Right?

4 Plain greediness
Admitting to yourself that the excuses and false justifications are a cover for the fact that you are a gluttonous, cake-chomping lump is a big step. You went back to stick your head under the chocolate fountain and gargle because you are a mess. Content and full, but a mess.

5 Gym next week
You’re planning on taking your gym activity up a notch and that means you need extra calories in your system or the muscles will have nothing to burn. This excuse is so convincing we can go to brunch for eight consecutive weeks and only go on a treadmill three times and still believe the science behind it.

6 Stocking up
When the boss offers to take you out for brunch and it is a week until payday it is a chance to scavenge for food. Storing profiteroles in your chubby cheeks like a demented hamster is a way of saving food and cutting down on paying for your own meals for at least 36 hours.