Hayley Kadrou11 Feb 2019 AT 12:30 PM

9 rock-solid excuses to bail on the gym tonight

'Sorry, I've already made plans to overeat'
Hayley Kadrou11 Feb 2019 AT 12:30 PM
9 rock-solid excuses to bail on the gym tonight

1 No headphones
You can’t run on the treadmill if you don’t have music to listen to while you do it. Simple as that. Muscle only grows if it hears music. That is just science. Come back tomorrow and you’ll have Eminem yelling in your earhole. Same applies if you forgot your smartwatch.

2 Office space
If your boss sees you crying it’d better be because you’re trying to fake an illness to get a day off. Not because you just scorched your backside sitting down in the sauna without a towel. Never, under any circumstances, let colleagues see you working out unless you are certain you look better than they do. If there is a chance they’re there tonight you don’t need an excuse, just skip it.

3 Shame game
Let’s be real about this: everybody knows that you were the one who broke wind during the warm-up in circuit training. Wait just one more week and there is a new influx and you can, literally, start afresh and no longer have to hear loaded questions about pumping iron. Or toot camp.

4 Too muscly
If anything your arms are getting too big, right? You started this to add some definition to your core, but lately you’ve found it hard squeezing into shirt sleeves. A few days off should put you back on track to the body you ACTUALLY wanted.

5 Wrong sunglasses
Turn up to sunrise bootcamp with your aviators on and not your wraparounds? Er, we think not.

6 Prior commitments
Finish what you start. Don’t give up. See things through to the end. That was the whole reason behind your latest gym pledge. So it would be rather hypocritical to only use half of your buy-one-get-one-free pizza vouchers and you’re no quitter. Besides, you and the takeout delivery driver have become friends over the past few years.

7 Research phase
What if half an hour on the treadmill and a 40-lap swim is not the right type of exercise for your body shape? Best thing you could possibly do is spend a few hours on YouTube finding out exactly what it is you should be doing. And a couple more Googling the best-reviewed sneakers, obviously. It will help in the long-run much more than having a long run.

8 Bargaining
If you don’t exercise today you will skip our third and fourth plates of dessert at brunch so that will be the same.

9 Tech crunch
You’ve done three Instagram posts from the gym in the past two weeks. If you go again the algorithm is going to think you’re a musclehead and you’re really more of a lifestyle aggregator. Better go to a bar instead, so you’re not digitally miscast.