Alexandra Haddow06 Feb 2018 AT 04:56 PM

The top baby names for 2018 are here and some of them are ridiculous

What's a Dalston?
Alexandra Haddow06 Feb 2018 AT 04:56 PM
The top baby names for 2018 are here and some of them are ridiculous
© Giphy

Every generation has its fashionable baby names, no matter how hard we all try to be different. Garys are dying out as a species, and when was the last time you met a baby John or a baby Stephen? Chances are you won’t do for a while either, as Netmums have released their predictions for the biggest baby names of 2018 and there’s some…interesting suggestions on the list.

In no particular order, the list contains King, Fox, and Dalston. Now look, we’re not here to judge, call your child whatever you want. Unless you’re going to call it any of the above. Brooklyn Beckham is the only person that can get away with being named after a recently gentrified hipster area of a global city. Dalston McDonald is a place you only visit at 3am on a Friday night, not an edgy name that you give your son. I repeat, NOT A NAME. 

Even new celebrity sprog Chicago West is going to struggle with her google-mappable moniker. Also on the list are Sylvie (a wonderful name but I know two puppies called Sylvie so perhaps this name has transcended to pets?), conversely Rex is also now very popular with humans and considered too mainstream for dogs, this also goes for Milo.

Unsurprisingly Arlo is still up there, presumably under the category ‘Names you’d never heard of three years ago but now you’ve got three friends with an Arlo and so has every other person you know.’ Grayson is up there too. So is Axl, and we’re not sure what Mr Rose has done recently to get his influence noticed by expectant couples.

At the very least Oscar, Riley and Alfie have dropped off the list, so parents who chose these names around four years ago (and that’s all of them) can start to relax, people are moving on. But good luck when they go to school this year in a classroom that has to call them all by their surname in order to get anything done.

In short, if you’re having a baby this year and want to really give them an original name that nobody else will have though of, call them Gary.

Hettie: Probably going to end up blonde and dating a guy called Will who works in the city.

Quinn: Will have an affair with Hettie and went to school with Will.

River: Has no sense of personal identity.

Arlo: Which one?

Willow: Probably OK.

Otis: The coolest guy you’ll ever meet.

Sylvie: Will like dogs.

Milo: Will end up with Sylvie due to their mutual love of dogs. 

Emilia: Too normal to be on this list.

Theodore: Will insist on being called Theo from day one.

Grayson: Yeah will probably be an alright bloke.

Nora: Very cool, will get by pretty well on the name alone. Has there ever been an uncool Nora? No.

King: Doomed to fail.

Nova: A car, not a name. Unless you’re Spanish.

Mason: A job, not a name.

Layla: Will have to put up with everyone singing the Eric Clapton chorus at her approximately three times per day every day until she dies.

Fox: Will probably end up being a timid bloke with a lactose allergy that still lives with his mum.

Maya: A successful dancer.

Axl: Probably won’t even know who Guns’n’Roses were.

Thea: Forgettable

Marcel: Unless you’re French, a mime artist, or the monkey from Friends, this is a risky choice.

Lola: Will probably be the most attractive girl in any room.

Rex: ‘No it’s not, when was the last time you heard of a dog called it?’; repeat everyday until Rex changes his name. 

Harri: May as well get ‘Sorry it’s actually with an i at the end.’ on a t-shirt to wear daily.

Blaine: Always locking himself in things accidentally.

Dalston: Just, no.

Henley: The posher friend of Dalston.

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