Alexandra Haddow14 Mar 2018 AT 01:08 PM

A new study claims pizza can make us more productive at work

It can't really though, can it?
Alexandra Haddow14 Mar 2018 AT 01:08 PM
A new study claims pizza can make us more productive at work
© Pexels

It’s one of those headlines isn’t it. You don’t believe it. It’s like when the news tells you that some obscure study claims drinking some sort of juice ten times a day makes you live longer. We all know it’s not strictly true, or in any sense true really, but we all read it and for a few brief moments, live in the suspended reality where what we ate or drank at the weekend was actually a concerted effort towards long term health benefits

Well next time you’re hoofing down a pizza, you can comfort yourself with the fact that it might make you more productive at work. Sort of. Indirectly.

Essentially it’s a bigger motivator than cash, according to a recent study. Psychologist Dan Ariely, in his new book Payoff: The Hidden Logic that Shapes our Motivations, conducted an experiment where he offered four groups of employees different rewards for increased productivity in the workplace. One group was offered $40, one pizza, one a compliment from their boss, and one group, nothing (unlucky for them). Initially, pizza was the biggest motivator: strange, because you could probably buy a lot more than one pizza with $40, but perhaps they weren’t thinking straight if they were that hungry. Weirdly, by the end of the study, compliments from a boss won, and the offer of actual cash made employees 6.5% less productive overall. What’s wrong with these people? Are they all on six figures? Or do they not trust their boss? We’ll never know.

In light of this, very tenuous study, featuring people who apparently aren’t motivated by money (do they work at a cash printing factory?), we’ve compiled a list of foods that might also actually make you more productive at work:

1. Coffee
Weird how three double espressos in the morning really make that spreadsheet seem interesting isn’t it? Click here to find out where the best hybrid coffee shops in Dubai are. 

2. Green Tea
The smugger, more cultured cousin of coffee is actually a great source of both caffeine, and an ingredient called l’theanine, which, as well as sounding cool and French, actually releases the caffeine slowly and steadily, avoiding the caffeine crash you might experience after your three double espressos above. Click here to find out where the best afternoon tea spots in Dubai are. 
Green Tea

3. Dark Chocolate
Another ingredient we’ve all had to train ourselves to enjoy. Dark chocolate contains a small amount of caffeine (are you seeing a trend here) as well as magnesium, which stimulates endorphins such as serotonin, which make you feel nice, and like you might want to do stuff.
Dark Chocolate

Because OF COURSE THEY DO. They do everything, they’re running for office at the next US election, they’re finding an alternative fuel source for earth. They have the answers. To everything. On top of that, they have been shown to increase blood flow, which in turn, increases concentration. That’s probably why all the millennials working at start-ups produce more content than one could ever hope to read. One day we will be their slaves. Avocadoes. Not millennials.

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